Even the seller thinks you don’t want (or need) this lifted diesel 4×4 camper conversion van.
Looking for a great new van? Too bad, because we haven’t found a great new van. We’ve found a van that you absolutely don’t want. It’s old, it’s high mileage, it’s a 7.3 Powerstroke diesel, and it’s got a 4×4 conversion. Wait, why don’t we want this van?
Oh, we see what’s going on here. Someone’s doing some negging. Telling you all of the reasons why you wouldn’t want their used E-Series Ford van, just knowing that it’s going to make you want to bid even higher.
Well, it won’t work! And that has nothing to do with GearJunkie not letting me use the corporate credit card to buy something
really cool terrible.
So, why don’t you want this 1999 Ford E-350 Sportsmobile campervan?
Old, Busted, High Miles
For a start, it’s 23 years old. Sure, it’s from Oregon originally, and then from California, so it’s probably never even heard of winter. But, the seller says it has “all of the dings and scratches” that come with so many years. Plus, “everyone stares at you when you’re driving it.”
Under the short hood, and poking out between you and your passenger is a Powerstroke 7.4L turbodiesel V8. Is this one of the most highly sought-out Ford engines ever? Yes, but it’s got 190,000 miles on the clock. That’s probably 20% of its whole life! Gone!
And a transmission from John Wood Automotive, some guy who thinks he’s learned a thing or two about building diesel gearboxes since 1983? Pfft.
How much power does the van make with one of them Superchips installed? Enough to make it “fun to watch the faces of Tesla drivers as you put the hammer down and pass them on the way to Mammoth.” Sure, it is.
This isn’t some one-owner creampuff stock van; this is a van that’s had a bunch of people messing with it over the years to make it “better.”
Do you want a 6-inch lift and 4×4 drive conversion from U-Joint off-road? Of course not. Nobody wants to cram 35-inch tires under their van. Like the seller says, “Don’t waste your money, you’re not really gonna off-road. You just want it because it looks cool.”
Another annoying thing? “It’s got twin Fox [shocks] up front so everyone will think you rally this thing like a trophy truck.”
The body has been all cut up for a Sportsmobile conversion. So now the roof is way up in the air, and it’s made of fabric. And you have to put it up when you feel like camping. Who wants all that work for some headroom?
There is a fridge that’s too big, a cabin heater (OK, that actually needs fixing), and even a hot and cold shower on the back. Who wants a car with a shower?
Best Worst Ad Ever?
So, are there any pros going for this van in one of the most hilarious eBay listings we’ve ever seen?
“The only good thing about this rig is that you can live in it comfortably when your significant other kicks you out of the house when they find out what you spent on it.”
So, there you go. Bidding closed at $60,000 — we’re not sure if it actually sold, though. Which is good, because you didn’t want to buy this off-road van life champion anyway. Here’s the refreshingly honest listing, for sale by ‘kccourtney.’
Sorry the pics aren’t good, but that shouldn’t surprise you, either, this time around.